'Survival of the Fittest' states that those best suited to their environment will have a better chance of survival and will therefore pass on his genes to the next generation. Unfortunately, (or fortunately) human advancements in science, medicine and technology have countered the effects of survival of the fittest in Homo sapiens, meaning that any moron is free to survive and pass on his moron genes to his moron offspring. But wait all is not lost, as long as there is stupidity, there will be people taking themselves out of the gene pool in a range of idiotic antics and accidents. Yes it's the Darwin Awards and here’s my top ten favorites.
Brazilian municipal guard, Arthur de Souza Coelho, was tired of the frequent car robberies that took place in his neighborhood. So what was his genius solution to protect his car? Put a small electric fence around his automobile of course. Seems like a pretty decent idea, unless you forget about the said fence and leave it on. Yes, Arthur wasn't the brightest penny; he left his fence on, forgot about it and died of electrocution. What an idiot!
A seriously feckless 17-year old from Pennsylvania with horrific injuries told police he sustained them when an explosive device hidden in his backpack by unknown persons detonated. The teenager had actually found an M-80 explosive at a relative's house and decided to take it home so he could repeatedly light and extinguish the fuse on the powerful explosive. Wait, as hard as it is to believe he gets even more stupid. After many times of lighting the fuse, he found that on one occasion he couldn't put it out. So instead of retreating to a safe distance, this moron planted the M-80 between his thighs and covered it with his hand, losing his hand, his right leg and his ability to reproduce, taking himself out of the gene pool...thankfully.
A 25-year-old chemistry student from Russia, who certainly should have known better, had a rather unusual habit of storing his chewing gum in citric acid flavor liquid he had squirreled away from the lab. Maybe he liked the nice citrus tang it provided, or maybe he was just a bit of a simpleton. One day while working in his computer at home, paying little attention to the stolen chemicals around him, he dropped his chewing gum into an unidentified substance and back in his mouth. BANG!! A loud pop was heard coming from his room as the lower part of his face was blown off. The explosive chemical was never identified, so let this be a warning to you kids, be extra vigilant because it is obviously very easy to confuse highly toxic chemicals for a tasty treat.
A Brazilian farmer, tired of the beehive in his orange tree, decided he would remove the hive himself. He had no clue on how to remove a beehive but that didn’t stop him. He somehow knew that bees do sting and figured the hive should be burned. So to protect his delicate head from troublesome bee stings and smoke he tied a plastic bag around his head and set the beehive alight. However, the plastic bag also “protected” him from oxygen and he suffocated to death. If you are going to fight bees with a plastic bag on your head, put holes in the bag at least...be slightly less on an idiot.
A 23-year-old bar-brawler, who had clearly took too many hits to the head, who had been forcibly removed from the Turtle Club in Florida by a bouncer, crept back in and leaped off a staircase aiming his kick at another man. But, he was killed when the idiot took one last hit on his head when he landed on it.
Molly and her husband had rented a room in a local motel for some after dark activities. The second floor room had a balcony with safety railing, which Molly made a beeline for. The former high school gymnast (or something) decided to demonstrate some of her former skills as her husband looked on. She did a flip onto the safety railing for a handstand and toppled straight over the other side onto the concrete patio 15 feet below, dying instantly. Some people huh?
The Police was called to an Austrian apartment which appeared to have the legs of a corpse sticking out of the window. On entering the apartment they found the dead man's head soaking in a sink full of hot water. The deceased man, after a night of drinking, decided to slip back into his apartment by sneaking through the kitchen window. Being a fixed window it would only open so far so he got stuck with his head at the sink. While thrashing about trying to get free he turned on the tap and drowned in the sink. Police were puzzled why he simply didn't turn off the tap, pull the plug to the sink or even just enter his apartment through the front door as he had the key in his pocket. A man that stupid should not be drinking, or left unsupervised...ever!
Lonely loser Xian, ambling through the LanTian Park in Hong Kong, noticed a seductive looking bench; by which I mean it had several enticing looking holes. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Xian decided to offer the bench, and in turn himself, some sexual pleasure. Unfortunately for Xian (and the bench) once he became fully aroused by the sexy bench he found his penis was trapped in the hole. Police and doctors were called to the scene, but emergency workers had to cut the entire bench free so it could be taken to the hospital. Xian and his lover were later to be parted in a 4 hour procedure. Hopefully, lack of sufficient blood flow has stopped Xian's penis from working effectively, because this man should not procreate.
We are still in Hong Kong for number 2 on the countdown of people unequipped for life. Most remove themselves from the gene pool on spectacular ways stopping their idiotic traits from persisting in our species. But this man survived with his ability to reproduce intact; however, this guy is so inept he would be lucky ever to get a lady to lay down with him. So our man enters in the emergency services complaining of intense abdominal pain. Doctors X-rayed the man and were shocked to find what appeared to be an eel inside his colon. And yes it was an eel; the mystery moron has been suffering constipation and he thought inserting an eel directly into the location of the problem might solve it. He was rushed to surgery to have the 50cm eel removed that had been chomping down on bits of his colon and rectum. What an arse!
Paramedics were called to a nightclub in Salt Lake City, Utah, to find a young man passed out on the dance floor. His bluish coloring suggested that he had suffered a heart attack due to lack of oxygen; he died en route to hospital. The cause of his heart attack was determined in the operating room; the young man had stapled a roll of quarters to his crotch in the attempt to make his 'package' appear larger. But, whoops, he tied the roll of quarters to himself using surgical tubing, (strong and elastic) which had cut of the circulation to his leg. Lack of blood flow and the cardio-workout of the dancing had triggered the fatal heart attack. His brain wasn't in his trousers, as he didn't appear to have one.