Dating Disasters - Top 10 First Date Mistakes

None of us get a first date right every time; that’s why many of us have many more than one first date in our lifetimes. At least if you do have a disastrous date you are going to get a good story out of it. I once went on a first date, where the guy brought his friend who flashed me once my actual date went to the toilet. I dined out on that story and his shame for years. So obviously he wasn’t the man for me; he made a serious first date mistake and his friend made a criminal mistake. So if you want to increase your chances of a second date read this list of top ten first date mistakes and at least try and avoid them.

It might not seem like a big deal being a few minutes late, I mean it’s not as if you have stood them up is it? But consider it from your waiting date’s point of view. They think they could have possibly been stood up; they will frantically look around hoping to catch a glimpse of their date arriving. Any passing person that makes eye contact will instantly know that they have been stood up; in fact everyone knows they have been stood up. Oh the shame! Oh humanity! They will play with their phone pretending to text, just so they can stare at it waiting for a phone call or text from the no-show date. By the time the late date arrives, they have already decided they hate you and there is no chance that you are getting a second. So the moral of the story: If you are running late to a first date, have the courtesy to let your date know.

Let’s start with wardrobe malfunctions; it didn’t work for Janet and it won’t work for you. Girls, if you show up for a countryside hike in high heels and a thigh skimming, cleavage revealing dress, you’re going to look like an idiot. And boys, if you show up to a trip to the cinema in a tuxedo, you’re going to look like a psychopath. Dress event appropriate.

Next up is poor hygiene. If you show up like a cartoon character with flies buzzing round your head and stink lines coming off you, it is unlikely that your date will be hanging round for dessert. You’re date is likely to have made quite an effort to meet you and when you turn up looking (and smelling) like you have just rolled out of bed, it is a massive insult. It takes very little time and effort to get in the shower and wear clean clothes, so just do it.

Come on these are the basics if you can’t get these right then quite frankly you shouldn’t be dating and you should be chaperoned wherever you go.

By all means sell yourself (within reason) on a first date, but your not going to do yourself any favours in the long run if you start telling tall tales. You are going to be found out if you tell someone you’re an astronaut, brain surgeon or a Navy Seal when in fact you work in the local pizza hut. Tell someone you’re a great dancer and they are going to want to get you on the nearest dance floor; seeing you flop around like the victim of a severe cattle prodding is not going to impress them. Be honest with your date; they agreed to be there so they must want to know more about you. If they don’t like all they learn then you can continue looking for someone who does. Trust me this is better in the long run.

There are two ways that too much information can ruin a first date; firstly chronicling your life in intimate detail and secondly by relentlessly pumping your date for information. The tone of a first date is supposed to be light and informal. Don’t be telling your date all the unfortunate happenings of your life; there is a time and place to share those intimate details and a first date is not it. Additionally, don’t fire a never ending list of questions at your date; you don’t want to make them feel like they are being interrogated by the Gestapo…do you?

You know what don’t talk about exes either; it is a sure fire way to make a date awkward if you thought you were going to get married or they were so crazy they poisoned your goldfish and fed it to the neighbours dog who then got very sick. Just avoid talking about relationships altogether, it is safer that way.

On a first date but, you really shouldn’t be using language that would make a sailor blush. The idea of a first date is to learn about each other and this includes figuring out the others opinion and use of bad language. Of you show up dropping F-bombs all over the place they might think they have somehow ended up on a date with an absolute cretin, no matter how sweet the swear-peppered sentiment might have been. I’m not saying you have to talk like a high class British aristocrat, talking like you have a stick shoved up your ass and a penchant for cucumber sandwiches and high tea; it is going to seem just as strange. So be you, just lay off the controversial language. In fact steer clear of controversy altogether and avoid talking about politics and religion too. An increasingly heated slanging match is just going to eventually decline into nasty name calling and intense hatred.

If a date is not going well, don’t make some really obvious fake excuse to leave, like your cat is on fire. Instead tell them it was nice meeting them and politely make your excuses to leave. Of course you have to wait for the right moment to leave; it’s pretty much unacceptable to just walk out in the middle of a meal or halfway through a bowling game. Apparently, it is also not ok to say you’re going to the bathroom and not return; I have done this in the past and I was informed by everyone I told the story to, that I was a total b***h. If you really feel like you can’t take anymore of their dull and tedious company, just stick it out. Once the date is over, you don’t have to see them ever again. The relief you feel after leaving the date forever will be your reward for doing the right thing.

Cat-calling like a horny builder at any passing member of the opposite sex is not the way to attract a second date. Making suggestive remarks about the waiters large pepper mill or asking the waitress if the breasts are juicy this evening, is not big or clever. You think your being sly and subtle, when in reality a blind and deaf man a town over can detect your sleaze. Be attentive to your date; don’t make them feel like you’re only with them simply because they said yes to you. If that is the reason you’re on the date then there is simply no helping you; you will be single forever and that is all you deserve.

Do not act like a creepy sex-starved octopus, leaving your date to wonder where all your suckers come from? There is a fine line between being tactile and committing a sex crime. If your date has to actually fight you off, at the end of the date they are more likely to call the police than to call you again. Be a gentleman or a lady to your date and you are much more likely to get a second date instead of ending up on the sex offenders register. Always remember that there is no rush; take your time and have fun. Don’t put too much pressure on a first date, it is likely to be something you will regret, either home alone again on a Saturday night or in the prison showers.

Every now and then it is nice to have a Knight or Knightess (if that even exists) in shining armour, coming to our rescue just when we need it. But, I would be surprised if anyone likes to be treated like a king or queen all the time. By all means hold open the door, remember to say please and thank you when appropriate and be polite to any waiting staff. But, I don’t want you to put your coat over a puddle for me to walk over, when I can just walk round the puddle and I certainly don’t want you to offer to protect my honour when you think someone has looked at me in the wrong way. But, the absolute worst thing you could do is agree with everything I say. Most people want to be with someone who challenges them a bit; someone they can discuss ideas and opinions with. Best of all, if someone isn’t necessarily into the same things as you it offers the perfect opportunity to learn to appreciate new things with someone new, opening the door seamlessly for another date.

I don’t care how well the date went; do not say ‘I love you’ under any circumstances. In fact it is probably safer not to say you love anything in case it is misinterpreted. There are two outcomes of saying ‘I love you’ on a first date and both of them are equally as bad. Saying those three little words is probably one of the quickest ways to talk your way out of a second date. You are going to look like an absolute fruit loop, your date is going to want to get away from you as fast as humanly possible; in fact there may even be some running involved. Maybe even worse, you date could claim that they love you back and instantly you have a stalker. They won’t leave you alone ever; they will hack your Facebook and Twitter, while hiding in your bushes. The worse thing about it is that you created this mess for yourself. You have no one but yourself to blame. You made your bed, now lie in it with your crazy stalker.